Sam (AKA Uncle Sam) is a couple of hundred years old and a couple of hundred pounds overweight. He started off pretty lean but has really let himself go over the years. 

Sam takes great interest in a wide variety of things and likes to get involved in as many of them as possible. In the future, Sam sees many more opportunities opening up for busybodies like him. For now, though, he hopes you’ll understand that he doesn’t have time to talk to those whose lives he’s touched. He says he’s shocked by the number of people who call and try to talk to him anyway. Please hold.